Classics of western literature av Berkeley Breathed

Now wait for last year av Philip K. Dick

Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today - but the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation if we are to be saved at all.
Isaac Asimov

'Wonderful ... a heady mix of Flann O'brien, Douglas Adams, Tom Sharpe and Ken Campbell, but with an inbuilt irreverence and indelicacy that is unique - and makes it the long-awaited, heavy smoker's answer to The Lord of the Rings'
Time Out om Robert Rankin

The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet.
William Gibson

The three-legged stool of understanding is held up by history, languages, and mathematics. Equipped with these three you can learn anything you want to learn. But if you lack any one of them you are just another ignorant peasant with dung on your boots.
Robert Heinlein

'An urban myth. Like the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa.' - Robert Rankin (Raiders of the Lost Car Park))

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Sted: Kjellmyra, Hedmark, Norway

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torsdag, oktober 13, 2005

Nerd Porn Auteur

Nerd Porn Auteur
by Ernest Cline

I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies
that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across
was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males
Men who like their women stupid and submissive
Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos
with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected
liposuctioned women
Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation
in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren't real women. They're objects.
And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.
These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on.
They disgust me.
And it's not that I'm against pornography.
I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.
Fact.
"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"
Guys need porn.

But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.
I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:
Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world
is a woman who is smarter than you are.

You can have the whole cheerleading squad,
I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:
Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.
Oh yes.
First I want to copy her Trig homework,
and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her
for hours and hours
until she reluctantly asks if we can stop
because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica.
Suma cum laude, baby!
That is what I call erotic.

But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?
No.
Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.
I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.
And the women in my porno movies will be the kind
that drive nerds like me mad with desire.

I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve.
The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.
Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.
Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses
and chips on their shoulders.

My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.
My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.

In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked.
They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and
beat them repeatedly at chess
and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle
or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.

Buy stock in some hand cream companies
because there is about to be a major shortage.

And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.
There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren
of all sexual orientations.
Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens."

This idea is a fucking gold mine.
I am gonna make millions,
because this country is full of database programmers
and electronics engineers
and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.
And you can help . . .

If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry,
and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet,
then you are hired.

It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive.
It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful.
You are beautiful. . .
And I will make you a star.


---------------------------------

Sjekk mer her: http://www.ernestcline.com

Les biografien og ikke minst hans overgripende "Airwolf" teori . Han er også mannen bak filmen "Fanboys"

Den omtales slik på IMDB:

A group of Star Wars fans conceive of the perfect plot to steal "The Phantom Menace" and watch it two weeks before the film opens.They pose as real-life Jedi Knights, and convince a die-hard Star Wars nerd that the beloved movies are in fact propaganda created by the Rebellion to generate sympathy on other planets. "The Phantom Menace", double-ended light sabers, droid armies, and Jar Jar Binks, are part of an Imperial plot to generate sympathy for the Galactic Empire, and he must steal the movie from the local cinema in order to bring peace and justice to the galaxy. The plot turns sour, however, when a double-agent emerges from the group with his own agenda.

Very funny, well-written, both poking fun at and showing affection towards die-hard Star Wars dorks. Up there with Hardware Wars as one of the best Star Wars parodies ever.


Innspillingen starter åpenbart i Januar 2006 for langfilmversjonen.

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